​I sat in the Avon United Methodist Church parking lot, the place where the AA meeting was happening, having arrived fifteen minutes early. Being full of assumptions that night, I figured no one would be on time to an event of this sort, so I sat in my car and waited until five minutes before it started. The church looked like the stereotypical faded, red brick building with a tall, white steeple. Nothing like the mega-church I attend every Sunday. I parked on the side, not the front, since I saw a few scattered cars on that side as well. I mean who else would be at church at 7:00 on a Friday night. I stepped out of my car into the cool September night, walking in the side door of the church not having a clue where the meeting was exactly. As I followed the stream of light, it led me down a hallway where I saw this smaller framed man with glasses bigger than his face and a big ol grin, standing at the end, welcoming me. “He’s welcoming me inside? For all he knows I’m here for the same reason as the rest of them and don’t even look old enough to drink.” Wearing a wrinkly, faded flannel, muddy jeans, and smelling of stale cigarettes, he told me there was coffee on the back table and to find a seat anywhere one is open. Being the coffee connoisseur that I am, I decided to skip the coffee seeing as though it was Folgers, not Starbucks, and looked like it had been sitting a while. 

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Alcoholics Anonymous is a twelve step program used to help members recover from alcoholism, usually with the help of a sponsor. Since AA is anonymous, the success rate is not 100% accurate since some members refuse participation in studies to preserve their anonymity or some may not admit to relapse. In a study done with more than 6,000 participants, "27% of [them] were sober for less than a year. In addition, 24% of the participants were sober 1-5 years while 13% were sober 5-10 years. 14% of the participants were sober 10-20 years, and 22% were sober for 20 or more years" (Wagener). Another, more long term, study was performed with one group receiving formal recovery treatment, one group being informally treated (attending AA meetings), and one group receiving no treatment. "The one-year and three-year follow-up points indicated that half of the participants who entered into AA on their own were abstinent while only a quarter of those who entered into formal treatment were abstinent at the time of the follow-up" thus proving that AA meetings and the twelve steps are indeed effective (Wagener).

 

As I scanned the room all I saw was a bunch of alcoholics. The smiley guy with glasses came up to me and pointed out a seat close to the front and suggested I sit there. Not wanting to be rude, I picked up my things and switched seats. The room was small and dull. The walls were a faded olive green color, with a few black inspirational wall decals scattered unprofessionally on one of the walls. The famous Sunday school “accordion walls” had been pushed back to make both tiny rooms into a bit larger of a room. The white yard-sale tables had been rearranged to form a box-like shape towards the right side of the room, for the convenience of sitting in a "discussion circle." My legs were cold against the brown metal folding chairs. The host of the meeting that week, Mike, walked over and asked if I was a nurse shadowing this meeting for clinical purposes. “Thank goodness it’s obvious I’m not one of them” I thought to myself, very relieved. I explained I was a college student doing research for a project and without skipping a beat he okayed me taking notes, but asked I refrain from pictures that would involve faces, out of respect of the anonymity of this group.  I waited for the meeting to begin, quietly sitting in my seat, observing the room. I noticed there were mostly men and hardly any women. There was one man in particular who stuck out to me though. Andrew didn’t look much older than me and was very well dressed and put together. He had dark slicked back hair, with a wedge haircut, wearing a maroon polo and fitted navy chinos. This hit me hard. “Even people like me end up in these meetings too.” 

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Factors such as race, gender, and socioeconomic status relate closely to alcohol consumption. "Men tend to drink more and at higher volumes than women" (Comparing Demographics). Men are able to metabolize alcohol faster than women. If a man and a woman drink the same amount at the same rate the woman will have a higher blood alcohol concentration than the man. It has also been found that "high socioeconomic status has been associated with higher rates of overall consumption and frequency, while low socioeconomic status has been associated with higher percentages of adverse alcohol outcomes such as binge drinking, alcohol abuse, and alcohol dependence” (Hilliard). While alcohol is not a positive coping mechanism it is one many people turn to. Genetic disposition and environment play a big role in whether or not alcohol is chosen as a coping mechanism. People of low income may drink less frequently but their tendencies to binge drink and abuse alcohol are increased more than those of higher income. This might can explain the division of demographics I saw present at the AA meeting, mostly men and only a few women, most looked from a lower income household and only a few seemed to have a decent income.

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By this point the meeting was beginning and all attention was on the host. Mike looked to be in his early forties with a smaller frame and speckled gray in his short black hair. He was wearing a local high school track t-shirt and khaki cargo shorts with old, white, Nike “dad,” tennis shoes. This man was someone whose children missed out on their father being around for an hour every Friday evening, if not more throughout the week. Mike looked like a regular dad, but this was just a visage. He had his own struggles.

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“Let’s have a moment of silence for those still suffering from the grapple of alcoholism.” Following this moment of silence, a gentleman further down the table read the serenity prayer. It goes like this:

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“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”

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The AA preamble followed this prayer. The thing that stuck out most from that passage was that one must have the capacity to be honest with themselves in order to be successful with AA. If you can not let go of control or be honest, you will not find success in AA. A small wicker basket was then passed around. When it got to me, I stared down into it and saw many green George Washingtons and Abraham Lincolns staring back at me. With the observations I had made that night so far, it shocked me how much money was in that basket. For some of the attenders, this may have cut into their grocery budget or mortgage. I passed the basket to the man next to me and continued listening. The chair then asked if anyone had any new length of sobriety to be celebrated. He listed off time periods (one week, two weeks, one month, etc). One woman raised her hand and stated she had been sober for thirty days as of that day. The entire room clapped and cheered. “Thirty days? That’s 1/12 of a year! Why are people so proud? She’s still got a long way to go.” But as I continued to listen to the struggles in the daily lives of these alcoholics, my mindset changed drastically. A young woman stood up to tell her story. She looked like she had walked straight out of a Women’s Fashion Target ad; wearing a black and white striped tee, a mustard colored cardigan, dark wash skinny jeans and taupe ballet flats. I’ll call her Mallery. 

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"Let's have a moment of silence for those still suffering the grapples of alcoholism."

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Mallery was a young mom with two kids. Her husband knew about her drinking problem but they tried to hide it from their young kids. Mallery walked out of her bedroom, relieved to see both her husband and kids were gone. This meant she had the house to herself for the evening. She stumbled for her keys in the dark and headed to the liquor store. There was no wandering down each aisle, Mallery went straight for her usual; vodka and wine. The cashier made small talk, making it clear he recognized her, but all Mallery could think about was the places she could pull over on the way home to have a drink. Before she even starts the car, two small bottles are already gone. She thought about her husband and kids, her plan of escape if she saw them back at home. When Mallery pulled in the driveway, her husband's car was gone; she sighed a sigh of relief. She stumbled through the front door and up to the bathroom where she finished her sixth small bottle of vodka and half a bottle of wine. Mallery could hear the front door open and her kids yelled "mommyyy where are youuuu?"  and that was the last thing she heard before she passed out on the bathroom floor.

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Mallery never cried. She didn’t stop to compose herself. She shared her near-death experience with little emotion. It was obvious to me that she’d told the story before and had some distance from the trauma of hitting the floor. When she finished, she sat down. Mike looked at Mallery. He said, “Thank you for sharing.”

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Then, Mike continued the discussion for the evening. He read from the 24 hour book of daily reflections (shown in the

image to the right) then called on a man across the circle to start the discussion. Each person’s introduction was “Hello

my name is ________ and I’m an alcoholic.” In unison, everyone would then follow in responding with “Hi ________.” Each

person who spoke had a slightly different story but I saw a common thread in all of them; sobriety was their best friend

right now and they were truly working to beat this monster that is alcoholism. Most all of them had to hit some kind of

rock bottom before they began recovery.

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                                  "For me, my rock bottom was death,” Jenna said. Jenna drank herself to death, literally. Six months

                                   earlier, Jenna woke up in a hospital room after being on life support for eight days. Her boyfriend had

                                   found her on the floor of their apartment surrounded by liquor bottles, lacking a pulse. 911 was called,

                                   it was all a blur after that. The paramedics  warned Jenna’s  boyfriend that she did not have much of a

                                   chance. Recalling those eight days, Jenna had a "white light moment" and "vivid  dreams”. She wanted

                                   to walk towards the light, but part of her held back. Jenna was not done fulfilling God's will for her life. 

                                  When Jenna woke up, it was as if a switch had flipped. No longer did she want to drink, Jenna wanted

to make the most of this "second chance [she] was given at life." Jenna decided to start attending weekly AA meetings and has not had a drink since her  death experience. Jenna looked like the stereotypical mom wearing a trendy blouse and a mustard colored cardigan with dark skinny jeans and taupe ballet flats. Yet another well dressed, put together person, who was less than perfect.

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Each person who spoke described their realization and how that motivated them to begin making a change. When they each found AA some recoveries were slower than others. Some members had to rework “the steps” several times before finally getting on the right path. Each of them mentioned how good they felt helping others and not being so selfish. 

 

Bill became addicted to alcohol as a result of coping with the stress that his life brought him. He needed an escape and ended up escaping more than those temporary stressful moments. It started with going to the bar after work a few days a week. Eventually it escalated to passing out at the bar overnight, or staying home and binge drinking. Bill’s drink of choice varied between anything from whiskey to vodka. As the months went by Bill continued his drinking habits until one day he danced along the edge of death, finally scared. “I laid on the basement floor, finally hoping someone would rescue me" (Bill). Bill prayed, not even knowing if there was a God, but promising that if there was this would be the last straw and he would go to great lengths to become sober. Through the course of finding an AA group as well as a sponsor, Bill gave God credit for “[taking] the taste out of [his] mouth and the desire out of [his] mind” (Bill).

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The meeting ended with Bill’s story then Mike dismissed everyone. The majority of the people who attended the meeting rushed out the back door to smoke, leaving their chairs scattered all over the room. Mike stayed along with an elderly gentleman. Mike walked over to me and asked if I needed anything else. He gave me some literature, as they call it, so I had some background knowledge as to how and why AA works. I thanked him and turned to walk out but before I made it out, the older gentleman who remained in the room stopped me. He overheard I was a college student working on a project and asked what college I went to and my major. I responded with IUPUI, Neuroscience Pre-Med. He congratulated me and wished me luck and that I would never fall off the wagon like many of those people had. I found that to be unexpectedly sweet and had a smile on my face as I walked back to my car. 

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I walked into this meeting sitting on my high horse, much like the rest of the world. I left humbled. I learned a great deal about not only others, but myself in that meeting. I learned that this group of people are people too, not just "a bunch of alcoholics." They are human. Some of these individuals innocently had a drink one day and that is what started it. Others needed a coping mechanism and just chose the wrong one. The people sitting in that room were mothers and daughters, sons and fathers. I was given a glimpse into each of these individual’s daily lives and daily struggles, it was quite humbling for me. This group was full of some of the sweetest most welcoming people, and yet the entire world looks down on them as if they are garbage on the side of the road. I will be the first to admit I am guilty of thinking it as well; that they are “less than” because society defines them by their struggle. But they are trying. The effort is there, or else they would not have been at that meeting to begin with.